and other things I never thought would
happen.
Punk
Well, not really. But I did rock a
mohawk in my 30s and I looked damn fine without any hair.
Embracing the baldness was such an empowering thing. Pretty scarves;
fun wigs; big earrings. Henna. No apologies. It was actually the
most fun part of having cancer. There. I said it.
Vegan
Alright, also not really. But mostly.
More and more research supports the protective qualities of either
the absence (or limitation) of meat and dairy or the abundance of
fruits, veggies, and whole grains--or both. Certainly there is no
harm and only good that can come from the latter. I now cook almost
exclusively vegan, even more reliably vegetarian, though I do get
indulgent sometimes when I go out in the world or on special
occasions. It's amazing how quickly every day can become special if
you're not paying attention! But there it is. I don't eat much
meat, eggs, butter, cream, or cheese. I hope they enjoy ice skating
in hell.
Blogger
I'm not sure which is less likely: me
giving up cheese or me posting this stuff on the internet. I
distinctly remember, when the internet was young and blogging was
new, I thought...That's just weird. Between the ego required to
plaster yourself all over public spaces to the vulnerability involved
in sharing an intellectual or emotional product so freely--either way
and every way in between, I was sure I'd never be doing that. But
here I am. Besides, if I can't learn to write for a wider audience
than myself and, ever so reluctantly, my faculty, I picked a very
strange profession. So why not embrace the opportunity? Never say
never! Really.
Runner
I am not a woman who has ever gotten
up in the morning dying for a run. I've gone through jogging phases.
They have always been short-lived. I can say that over the past few
years I've transitioned from preferring the treadmill to preferring
heading out my front door, but this is from laziness more than
anything. My front door is a lot closer than the gym. And my own
shower awaits my return; that's nice, too. Every year, however, the
UVA Breast Care Center holds a fundraiser: the Charlottesville
Women's Four Miler. I am going to run it. I have personally
benefited from the money that race raises, and I want to contribute
to that. (More precisely, I want you to contribute. Funny how that
works...) Besides, apparently regular exercise is supposed to be
good for you. Who knew? Now I'm told that running becomes addictive,
but I am not sure about this. I have had the following, totally
serious thoughts, however: Once the four miles are up, well, that's
more than a 5k, and a 10k isn't so much more. And once you've run a
10k a half-marathon isn't so much more than that. A marathon is
twice as much again, though, and I think I draw the line there.
Wait, am I actually considering voluntarily running 13.1 miles???
Shakespearean Actor
Life is short enough when it's long,
and sometimes it's just short. You should do stuff. I decided,
after having an invigorating time getting my butt kicked at a dance
workshop, that I wanted to do some more personally challenging and
awesome things, so I thought...It's been 13 or so years since I've
been in a show; I wonder what's playing around here this summer?
When I mentioned said impulse to a friend in my dance troupe, she
helpfully said that her company was holding auditions for Midsummer Night's
Dream on Monday and I should come. After much agonizing, for so many
reasons, I decided much at the last minute to get in the car and
betake myself to nearby Staunton, VA, and just go for it. What the
heck? What better way to cultivate a little more trust in my
intuition? It would be fun. And it was--even though I found myself
pantomiming a crab in a room full of experienced actors all but one
of whom I didn't know. (Of course, it's hardest in front of those
you do know, anyway.) Ah, well. I enjoyed it. And, lo and behold,
I was cast in the show! Not only cast--as mechanical Starveling and
fairy Peaseblossom--which would have been fabulous enough, but also
made part of the production team as Fairy Movement Coordinator. That
was a fine compliment. And it got better, when someone backed out
and I was also offered Hippolyta! To think. Me, queen of the Amazons!
Hee hee!
Belly Dance Volunteer
I have been wondering for a while now
how I could give something to the cancer community, but I couldn't
think of something that really suited me, that I could comfortably do
and that I would enjoy. I have benefited no end from introducing
mindfulness into my life, but I'm not qualified to be a meditation
teacher. I might be a contact person for local women, especially
young women, whose diagnosis comes as much of a shock to them as mine
did to me, but I'm not a counselor. But one day it came to me in a
flash and I knew it was right: I want to offer belly dance to cancer
survivors.
I was inspired in part by the six-week
group I recently participated in that helps people move from
treatment to survivorship. Every week we did some form of exercise,
to encourage activity and to reintegrate mind and body after the
trauma we all endured. Belly dance is such an inclusive form of
movement--suitable for all ages, body types, levels of fitness. It
can be done, as anything can, as mindful movement, as a means of
cultivating joy in the present moment, trust in self, awareness of
body. And it is something I can do.
My hope is to put together 4-6 weeks
of hourly classes, hopefully this summer, just for fun and for free.
I was so inspired that in a fit of boldness I asked the people I knew
at the cancer center whether they would, or could, help me promote
such a thing; in a fit of even more boldness I contacted the owner of
the Tai Chi dojo downtown, whom I'd just met a few days earlier, to
see if she would donate her space for the purpose. To my delight,
everyone has been very supportive! There is still a bit of waiting
to be done to see what the hospital will say, but even without a
direct endorsement, I think I will still try to put something
together in the community. Either way, I've been asked to run an
activity at our own group's check-in meeting a month from now, and
maybe to run one of those exercise sessions when the next
survivorship group forms in the fall! Again, the hospital has a say
in all that, so I'm not sure whether it will happen, but there is
interest, anyway, and positivity in response to my off the wall
inspiration! So I am very excited by the prospect, and a little
surprised--if pleasantly--at my relative fearlessness. But I guess
after what I've been through I'm a little less risk-averse and a lot
more confident.
Whatever it is, you should do it!
Much love!
